Satin Scorpion :: Shusu's Blog

12:52 AM
ten things i hate about shu...
Naw, not really. ^^ Is just a nice turn of phrase... (from a movie I've never seen.) I'm the kind of person who has many many things to be happy about, and can and will spend days gushing about them, yet remain happily miserable.
I'm screwy, that way. *g*

10 Things I'm Grateful For

1. Wiggle-luv! *g* Like everything else I do in life, here I am, massively unprepared yet gung ho. And yet... you! How amazing. ^_^

2. Being so blasted intelligent. You know what a monster child is? One with clean, clear foresight and no instinct and little conscience to go with it. That's where Shu started from. Be glad I've gotten this far, otherwise you'd be toast. Hopefully I can channel that perception into teaching.

3. Friends. Incredible, massive group of them, all over the world. 99% of whom have no idea where I am, or what I'm doing. See above for the misery-genesis thing.

4. My hometowns. Two incredibly different places, 9 N 123 E and 38 N 90 W. I mean, just look at those coordinates. As above, I'm a creature of environment. Reaction is my thing; that's how I'm manipulative. If not for these places, huge parts of me would not exist, or be significantly different. Roadmaps in memory... shaped into my soul. For all the good and bad, I'll take the good.

5. Writing. It's the fifth limb. I wouldn't even think to be grateful for it, if it weren't so obviously an innate talent. It's like being grateful for my thumb, or something. That doesn't make me a good writer, mind. That came with practice. It is, however, my reason for being on the planet. Not my choice, as much as a fact of my life which I joyfully accept.

6. The 'rents. Yeah, they almost screwed up my life. Operative word being 'almost'. Still, I was locked in that strange triumvirate for a good two decades, and a lot of the humor, strength, temper, and goddamn stubbornness comes from them. (The anxieties too, but I'm workin' on it! Truly.) If not for them, the arrogant snot I'm reincarnated from would be winning. (So there, you not-dead bastard! Oi, I'm weird.) Another plus: their love of travel has gotten me on three continents, and most states... northern New England and the upper Great Plains remain to be seen. Again, otherwise I'd be rather insular. Gaaah I want to go back to the southwest! Well. When the wildfires die down.

7. Narrative force. In books, on television, in movies... when the old timer on the bus goes on about the insane schedule of the Minnesota Vikings. The human need to tell stories -- beginnings, middles, endings -- this has nourished me for most of my life. I'll have to ask the 'rents how long I've been literate. Probably from age four or five at the most. If writing is my fifth limb, stories are the breath in my lungs, the marrow in my bones. Transitioning now to the human story, rather than the make-believe one. It's bumpy, but I'm getting there.

8. My pets. To Ali, the beagle I barely knew, picked out by my parents, and funnily low to the ground in my early childhood memory. To poor, poor Puff, who was likely (gross alert) kidnapped and eaten. To all the cats I tormented, the turkey, the two goats who were such fun to provoke, the fish, the chickens. The ones who passed through quickly, like the white rats and the hermit crab and the calf. Of course, my current sweetums, Maple Mead the silly cornsnake. But most of all, my partner in crime, my pack sister, Gina. Surname Woof, but she never held it against us. I picked her out because she was the runt. The only time she ran from me was after her first miscarriage. Her poor pups never lasted very long; yet she was adamant about continuing the Woof dynasty, and regularly sneaked off to meet boyfriends. Whitefoot was the lone survivor. After I left, she also had "Smart" whom I think she disowned as much as I did ... I did not name that dog, and he was dumb as dirt. Whitefoot, a full head shorter, intimidated him successfully.
She was tough and scrappy and had a howling bark that'd wake the dead. She "sicc'd" when I told her to. She went her own way only when I lost interest. She was always at my side, the first to greet me when I came home. Every time I returned from the States after years of absence, she remembered me immediately.
Alas, the last time I returned, I called her name and she wasn't there. No one saw fit to tell me that my best canine friend had died just the month previous. I miss her, can you tell? (It's partly why Lee's choice of Terriermon strikes a nerve... "He's small and smart, like me!" That's what Gina was.)

9. Minnesota! For all the years I've lived here, on and off, *wow*, the number of things to be found in this state. Hopefully I'll get to sample more of them wi' the car.

10. Web presence. My blessing and bane, all in one. So much time put into it! Sometimes, zilch reward. But among other things... well, see 1.

Runners up:
Many, many things....
chocolate
mangoes
Touma
east-facing window
Uni-Ball Roller (Onyx) Pens, black, 0.2mm (Micro)
Ampad notebooks, available from most campus bookstores, smooth as a baby's butt
ability to remember lucid dreams
good radio stations
sexy yoghurt
meat!
slinky dresses, usually black
learning to draw
all the wonderful teachers I've had
Miles Naismith Vorkosigan
Samurai Troopers! (redundant, aren't we?)
CSS ... rowr.
seeing Halley's Comet
caves, especially limestone
turning points: Nancy Drew, A Wrinkle in Time, Ender's Game, Something Wicked This Way Comes
public libraries
big one: having the breakdown while I'm young, before I had a career or kids
turning points: Star Trek: TNG. The X-Files. Cowboy Bebop. Digimon.
tropical fruits
the Mississippi River
a goddamn fast printer
tapes. lots of them.
books. lots of them.
big one: finding this place to live in, not a week after finding out I had to leave for good

Tuesday, June 25, 2002

6:15 PM
a lame excuse to put Spike on the blog twice




I'm just watching a bad dream I'd never wake up from.

Find out what anime bad boy you are.





Kickin' Ass

Find out what anime character cliche you are.




Commander and leader of the Power Puff Girls.

Take the Cartoon Hero Quiz?.


Which Season are you?

Oh, and one more thing. I want a livejournal. I like blogger for all the personal stuff and the fic bunnies, but be damned if everyone and his lover is on LJ and that friends thing is funky cool. I'm also getting a scanner (Go Guiltgifts!) so I can start posting a lotta art and maybe a doujinshi? And while RfP languishes in the backwaters of the 'Net... I can post all my teases for easy reading. And there are... a LOT.

You just have no idea.

There is just so much sex which has not seen the light of day.

So... if anyone wants to give me an LJ... feel free. ^^

1:18 PM
of lightning and other phenomena

How much it costs to raise a child to age 17. Not counting college.

/_
/

Why planes don't fly into a thunderstorm (lecture, Professor Brothen):

You'll run into hail: not good for the engines.
Lightning: not good for the electricals.
Updrafts and downdrafts... not good for the passengers.

On being struck by lightning (some gal named Gretel):

How could such a thing have happened to me? I'm such a small thing. And the sky is so big.

As for cloud-to-ground lightning: After the static electricity within the cloud builds up between the small positively (+) charged particles spewed to the top, and the negative, larger particles (-) in the middle of the thunderstorm cloud, these things called stepped leaders spark out of the cloud. This is not lightning, not yet. The negatively charged particles flow in one direction, pool, then change course. At times they'll split.
When the step leader gets near the ground, objects (especially tall ones) react to the heavy negative charge by reaching out with tendrils of positive particles (+). Sometimes they're visible, in that millisecond before strike. I believe the guy called them "weakly luminous positive plasma." Yes, the ground rises up to meet the step leaders. These upward leaders can come out of the ground, the top of a house, an antennae, a tree... or the top of your head. You can see ground leaders here, on the right of the photo. Courtesy of the NOAA Photo Library which I will now be perusing quite a bit.
When the stepped leader meets one of thse plasma leaders from the ground... lightning strikes. The charge first rises from the ground, then that tether of charged particles gets electrical flow straight from the cloud above. At 50,000 degrees F, hotter than the surface of the sun, and discharging a lot of electromagnetic, light, and heat, the shockwave from the top of the cloud to the bottom of the strike traveling out as thunder, it only lasts about 30 microseconds.
75-100 people a year in the U.S. are killed by lightning. About 400 are hit.
Lightning can arc out from a storm and strike up to 10 miles away from its center. Gretel, the chick quoted above, was struck far away from the storm, under blue skies. "In urban areas, buildings and city noise reduce your ability to hear thunder until it's only 10 miles away or less. Since lightning can easily travel 10 miles away from a thunderstorm, if you're in a city and can hear thunder, you are at risk from being hit by lightning. In quiet, rural areas, thunder can be heard from thunderstorms that are up to 15 or more miles away." (LightningStorm.Com)

Yep. We got thunderstorms over here. ^^

2:24 AM
who needs sleep?

The end of take me back. Which needs big time revisions, but at least I know where I'm going... kinda.

In the darkness, a glint of light caught his eye.

Hey, Jen. This weird spinny thing looks like Taomon's shield.
It's called a yin-yang.
A ying what?

'I miss you, Terriermon. How can I take it easy now, without you to remind me? You saw everything I noticed, but you always slanted it silly, or sarcastic. And you always spoke up with the truth.'

Yin-yang, Terriermon. It's related to that balance thing I was telling you about. See, the dark chases the light, and the light chases the dark, but they have something of each other in themselves.
Come again?

Henry traced the curve of the symbol, his chest heavy with weariness. Ryo's hold tightened around him. He should have gone to sleep, but the intensity in Ryo's eyes had him thinking.
White metal reaching down, the darkness at its core...
Henry wasn't really angry that all the gentle comfort was an act. He was grateful for it. Ryo knew how to diffuse tension, to keep things light and loose. He was a protector and that was part of his job.
But Henry saw. He wasn't as quick to realize it as he should have been, true. Just now he'd caught a glimpse of Ryo's roiling will to fight, to subdue, to claim what was his. He saw how much Ryo watched him, as much a stalking hunter as with affection. It made him weak to know he was subject to all that.

It's like the Devas. Maybe they think they're good. Yet we think they're evil. It just depends.
Now you're confusing me. Aren't we supposed to kick their butts only if they're evil? Trashing the city looks pretty evil to me! ...not to mention trying to squish us.
You never know. One day they could help us.

It was funny that he'd forgotten all about that when Suzie became a Tamer. It was easy to remember what Sensei taught him, quite another thing to apply it when his own little sister was associating with someone so dangerous.
Then again, he and Terriermon had been pretty dangerous themselves. As Ryo was.
It was like saving two worlds, only to give up their digimon. It was like loving his father, yet resenting his decision.
Black waves rising up, white light deep inside.
Henry knew many things an average boy might not. Tonight, though, he understood. It would take time to gather the shattered pieces of himself, as it would for Ryo.
For now, it was enough to settle into Ryo's embrace, darker skin on pale, hearts deep inside yet thumping in unison. No looking forward. No going back.
Over the two slumbering souls, the little bauble spun.

Monday, June 24, 2002

12:17 PM
OH SWEET JESUS NOOO!

from the Sage Page:

Last year, FOXKids announced it had the rights to Slayers and was going to broadcast the series Saturday mornings. I know several die-hard fans of the series who were just in pain over the very idea. It never happened. FOXKids never aired Slayers.

But, apparently, FOXKids did own the broadcast rights, and when FOXKids was bought up by Disney, all its licenses went to the Mouse. Slayers was one of them.

And the one that missed. Would someone please use their damned Reagan-era missile tracking technology and point it goddamn UP please??

also from the Sage Page:

On June 14, Asteroid 2002 MN passed inside the orbit of the moon, missing Earth by the width of a hair. NASA did not detect the body until three days after it crossed our planet's path.

11:50 AM
has anyone noticed...

...how self centered I am? Man, I'm a brat about giving a crap about other people when I have school. And what an attention slut. If I were me I would shoot I.

But ha ha! I don't care.

The joys of being an only child.

*dancing till the world ends*


Here's to Shannon on the radio this morning, while I cooked my eggs and ate blueberries

Sunday, June 23, 2002

8:07 PM
Yay! I found my earring clasp! *dances* It's not so much losing it, as this strong superstitious feeling that something horrible happens somewhere else. No basis for it, just raising hackles. Now on to the serious business of not screwing up my life further.

Tamers fic timeline SPOILERS

don't say I didn't warn you

3:30 PM
fic bit before I go mad

To tell you the truth, the first time I met him, I wanted to break him.

Feelings like that should be scary to your average fourteen year old boy, but I've lived with Cyberdramon. When your worst enemy lurks inside your digimon partner, very few things frighten you.

I saw him watching me. It was like hot sunlight on my neck, warming my bandana. He didn't want me to know, but you can't get that kind of thing past me. Even if you did, Cyberdramon would notice. I only turn my back on those too weak to harm me.

It didn't register at first. Takato-kun was asking all sorts of questions, and frankly I was reluctant to give him answers. Whatever dimension you're in, tangling with the Holy Beasts isn't for amateurs. I wanted to make sure they got out all right.

Then Cyberdramon leaned down and shot the thought into my mind. /He was looking./

I replayed the scene and realized that he had been looking. Lee, he'd given as his name. Jenrya, he'd added, cool grey eyes holding a touch of nerves.

Nerves. Hah. I heard him, just as I fell asleep, speaking to the others about me. Even in my exhausted state, I heard the admiration in his voice. The concern.

And that's when it really hit me. Something about the intelligence in his eyes, the way the wind ruffled his hair, the smoothness of his gait which hinted at athleticism. It was a shadow of a memory, but more clear to me was what he stood for. This boy had not known war. He smelled of family, home, duty. Everything I wanted and loathed. My only home is the Digital World. My only duty is to protect it.

So, yes, it was with a touch of hatred that I considered the ways to break that docility. It was a good thing I'd spent some time with the other two boys, as unaccustomed I was to dealing with other human beings. I go through the motions of being pleasant fairly well. Putting on a game face is as important as putting on my gauntlets. And don't get me wrong, my concern for their safety is real. Anything in the Digital World is under my protection. Anything innocent, that is.

That was the other part of the equation. There's a recklessness in the girl, Ruki, which I've seen in those who are going to get killed. Takato-kun is also too easily lead by his heart. The others even less sure of themselves. But Lee... he sees the bigger picture. He understands that this is a war. Yet he does not want to fight.

Of all the kids, I think he would stand the best chance of surviving this world with just himself and his digimon.

That's why he's so frightened.

Oh, I see it. The waters are placid on the surface, but his gaze is everywhere, calculating, weighing, pondering the import of their little adventure. It's why Cyberdramon warned me. /He was looking./

Which means he saw through me.

For that alone I wanted to break him. Open him up and make him feel. Hold him down and make him admit he knew, admit he saw, admit he wanted me.

...why not? Digimon are foggy mirrors of their partners. Doesn't it strike you as odd that my digimon partner is Cyberdramon?

That was before I kissed him.

I had not yet decided if I would accompany the others on the Ark. After all, the Digital World was in danger. I would have betrayed so many to leave them to their fight. So when he looked at me again with all that care and concern, asking about the gauntlet I had lost to the D-Reaper, the deep well of resentment bubbled up into a boil. With Cyberdramon to shield me, I touched him. I pressed my lips to his...

And...

There is a saying. A sword will always lose to the ocean.

I pulled away before I could devour, I loosened my grip before I could squeeze. He was dazed, and willing, and yes, I could have broken him right there, if not in body then in spirit. But I realized then, that his fear didn't make him a coward. Perhaps... he was stronger than me. It takes more strength to submit, than to fight continuously.

Confused, I murmured a promise to see him again. I wanted to know if it was true, if there was a chance for me to renew myself.

I ended up going with them. One does not argue with Holy Beasts.

I've spent hours by the ocean, as Monodramon plays in the dunes. There's not many isolated beaches left on this side of the island, but with my digimon no place is inaccessible. I've felt the rumblings from my adopted world, and I know the time for battle is drawing near once more.

For now, I stare at the sea. I watch its faces change with the wind and the sun. I think of grey eyes, and I wonder what they see.

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