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Saturday, August 17, 2002

4:22 PM
the only thing better
than sitting here listening to the local rock station (not my usual fare)
would be cruising the city singing Fat Bottomed Girls at the top of my lungs.

I am such a tomboy. ^^

Long Live the Queen!



2:36 PM
quizzies

you are a book called



what
dr. seuss book warped you?

Totally one of my favorite books. ^^;

Hero Guild Name

Villains fear me.
Heroes envy me.

Sameshima Shuzumi is...
The Cyber Gladiator


IRL, I'm either the Acrobatic Werewolf or the Crystal Warlord. ^^

This is set for het, btw.
Moi:
i am



what sexual performer are you?

you are perverted. in a way. not only do you celebrate excess but you find ways of making everything exquisite. you like pool parties, lots of skin and other gatherings that turn into bachanallian bliss. you're a humanist with near inhuman carnal desires. more often than not your breed are predicted to rot in hell, so sayeth television evangelists. satan reserves a seat for you.

you won't demure from an orgy if invited and you never cease the search for new contorted bodily pleasures. the party-animal in you could smell the scent of sex from a mile. you say yes to occasional bdsm and say no to bestiality. you are not that low.

oral sex? you like it porn style.

sexual positions? you can write kama sutra variations every year.

(Heh.)

Seiji:
i am



what sexual performer are you?

damn, you're good. you're intimate and reckless. you buy stuff that you could barely afford but you live a life others would envy. work is just something to get you by while you are preoccupied with thoughts about the opposite sex. you seduce with intellect when looks fail you. the thrill of the chase fuels you and you're not afraid to try new things. your intimacy goes beyond the flames of passion.

you look for love at the most inopportune of moments. you sleep with impunity and could break a few marriages if not caught. you love sex with a dash of danger.

oral sex? with passion.

sexual positions? you go with the flow.

Yohji:
i am



what sexual performer are you?

you're a whore. you love sex like your life depended on it. you're the beast of prey. your breed is fast and flashy and your ancestors were the polyester-wearing disco-going lounge lizards of yore. you know the classics of literary erotica and know the auteurs of quality porn. you know the abc's of sexually transmitted disease and sexual cultural taboos and you probably think church is some kind of marriage booth. your favorite romantic line is, "let's breed."

you like impersonal sex and to watch yourself perform. you know a variety of moves, all sleazy. you are in search of the perfect orgasm.

oral sex? yes, please.

sexual positions? you can teach and you like to learn.

Touma:
i am



what sexual performer are you?

you like sex. in a way you think there's more to it than merely breeding and propagating, you add romance to it. you like to have relationships, no matter how they end. you lead quite a life beyond drinking latte and hating your work. you have fun with friends, read and watch films quite a lot. you have no intention of being single for life and you find careers out of an endless string of deadend jobs.

you like to give and receive pleasure and you do it quite well. you are quite intimate with partners. sex is always satisfying.

oral sex? you definitely know how to give one.

sexual positions? you acquired some from here and there.


:D



12:52 PM
Saturday toon report!

Pegasus is calling Seto Kaiba... Kaiba-chan. He has to be. "Kaiba Boy?"

Gh. Joey! ^_^ Mai likes ya.


Duel with a Deva

Found the blue card in Akiabara.
young Janyuu has spiky hair like Henry!

Takato tries to sidle up to serious Henry

"How could I lie to my own son? What am I supposed to tell him?"

Takato asks Rika what they're supposed to say to Henry

Henry: I bet they're unstable because they've just bioemerged.

H to R: Which one do you want?

Renamon: Pig.
Vajramon: What did you say!

Renamon: Cool it, beefcake.
V: Oooh, fiesty.
Renamon: You have no idea.

Scary card after scary card

I want a screencap of that... never seen Henry so scared
and I want a screencap of that! Henry holding his digivice up to the sky, light coming from it

Rapidmon: He shoots, he scores! Ha HA!

I want a screencap of the whole family watching TV!

Facia Vita - Created Life, I think.

So all the digimon games ... never completed and that we never even got credit for.

"Heyyy, yesterday you said it was just meaningless data!"

R: I need you to let me do this, Rika.

~~

Alamada
Koko
Sugai

talking to Takato pic - Digital Beauty

~~
Mon Colle Knights rerun: "Hey don't try anything, these cats are from Jersey."
~~

September 14, X-Men Evolution returns to the WB.

Mmm. Joey and Yugi. So cute.

Mai in her corset.

Joey sleeeps. and dreams of food!

Seto Kaiba, trapped in the card: Save me Yugi.

Yami Bakura: Erase their minds!
Yessssssssss Yami Bakura's EVIILLL!

The new Yu-Gi-Ohs are on 7:00 C! Don't miss 'em, it's just getting interesting.

Y'know Logan on X-Men Evolution? That's Kujuurou. That's him right there. Though Touma says he's glad he doesn't have those claw things. ^^ And Kujuurou says he has cooler motorcycle gear.

What the FUCK? Magneto was in a POW camp in Poland in WWII. And Captain America and Logan (pre-Wolverine) sprung 'em? Whoaa. Era accurate grenades!

Are you that much like your mother?
KURRRTTT!

Logan visits Steve (Captain America).
"'Cause you and me... you and me, we made a great team."
OOOOHHHH. Deep angsty slash!

And then... Buckaroo Banzai. BWAHAHA!

more Digimon Tamers fic
SPOILERS for the "owari" fic.

"Terriermon!"

"No way! Jenrya and Ryo are mate-partners! If something happens to Cydra--"

Beelzemon unloaded another round at the crackling mass of energy. "If somethin' happens t'Slimehead it won't be too soon!"

"If I could digivolve, I'd kick your pointy head open..."

Renamon grabbed the little digimon before an energy blast vaporized him. "Terriermon, you can't fight! You're our ticket out of here."

"And what happens to Cyberdramon!" Terriermon struggled in her paws. Geez, she was smooshing his ears.

"Pyrosphere!"

Suddenly Renamon's hair stood on end. Terriermon shivered from the tips of his paws to the back of his head. "Terriermon. I don't think there's anything of Cyberdramon left."

[stuff happens]

"Aw, friggin' hell!" Impmon coughed sand from his mouth, shaking out the data-snow from his arm.

"Finished," gasped Renamon. "It can't end like this..."

Andromon de-digivolved to Guardromon, his eyes rattling in his head. "Oh dear. Hirokazu would be so disappointed."

Culumon and MarineAngemon huddled together. Terriermon crawled towards them, dodging the blasts. So what if something happened to him. Jen would never forgive him if he didn't protect the others. Then something yellow flashed in front of him. It was large and luminous. And angry.

Guilmon's eye. Pupils dilated to slits. "It's not over yet," he growled.

"No, Guil--"

The dinosaur rose in the midst of the crossfire. He was starting to glow, and for a moment Terriermon was afraid he was going to de-digivolve down to Baby. "Grani! You were our friend! Help us! Grant me..." and the scales were turning to metal "Grant me your wings!"

What would Jen do? It was suddenly clear in his mind, the calm-cool-sharp that was Jenrya, and Terriermon lunged towards the little digimon. "Shield him, right now, 'Pooh'! Culu, you know what to do!"

"Baroo!"

"I gotcha!" Red crystalline light flashed over his head and Impmon surged forward into the glow of digivolution.

Terriermon got up, crimson star to his right, black star to his left. I'm a digimon, Jen. Fighting is what I do. This one's for you. "Knock the wind out of their sails," Renamon growled at his back.

"Terrier Tornado!" The gales rose out of his heart and cycloned into the storm. And the stars blasted off in its wake.


[omake]

"You know what I miss?"

"Peanut butter!" The smaller digimon chorused.

"And bread," Guilmon sighed, scuffing his paws.

"Babamon and Jijimon make good bread."

"It's not the same without Takatomon."

"I miss cream puffs!"

"Dumplings. Jen always loaded his bowl full and snuck 'em in with a lot of soy sauce."

"What's soy sauce?"

"Bananas and chocolate sauce." Impmon scratched his ear. "Sounds weird, I know, but Ai and Mako couldn't make anything else."

"Ruki gave me energy drinks. The strawberry flavor was rather good."

"Jelly cups!"

"Hirokazu let me have some mochi. Oh, mochi, how I miss you. Almost as much as Hirokazu."




Friday, August 16, 2002

5:54 PM
I don't know what to do anymore



1:20 AM
okay, it does bother me

I debated about a minute about whether or not to blog this, but I'd be a hypocrite to hold in something important when I keep telling people not to hold in important things and besides that it's not healthy. And I don't want it to be completely hidden away.

Generalizations of people bother me.

They bother me for intrinsic and extrinsic reasons. One, they are so often wrong because they deny the uniqueness of human beings. People only act like they came out of molds, it's a surivival/social thing. I believe that every single human being EVER is unique in some way. One can classify and sort them *like* pills in different bottles but they are NOT pills. Mathematically, biologicially, spiritually, socially, they cannot ever be entirely alike.

Two, is the person making that statement. Not that I resent them. .......pity is closer.

In short, you haven't *met* the men I know. You don't know the dynamic, intelligent, sensitive *people* I know. Yes, I've known total bastards. I've had the privilege of travel and the privilege of knowing people from all walks of life, and am continuing, slowly, to know people outside of my comfort zone. Not everyone has that, and I can't remedy that beyond strongly encouraging them to step out and get to know new people. But it just... it just makes my head spin. It is not fucking fair that the men most women know treat them like crap.

Nor is it fair to the men who are so desperately trying to understand women as people to be fitted into a little pill bottle marked "poison."

Maybe they don't know any better. Maybe their mothers and fathers and friends conditioned them to treat women like that because anything else is social suicide and humans are SOCIAL animals, it is very very difficult for even the most intelligent person to overcome stupidity of a social nature.

Maybe if women ASKED what their bloody problem is, they'd find out what the bloody problem is! Maybe they don't even know! Are we all mind-readers now? And NO, it's not anyone's bloody fault, and NO, I don't think it's a piddly dumb problem on women's part. This stuff destroys girls' lives, after all. It destroys families and children and God knows what else. But it's... so frustrating to be neutral.

Just because I'm all but gender blind... non-sexual, really, I don't see the point of labeling little bursts of hormones when there's so much love to be given... once again I find myself straddling the line between people I care about. I have female friends. Closer than skin. Closer than blood. I have male friends. Closer than skin. Closer than blood. And once more, again, again, again, I hate seeing it. I hate seeing exactly how both sides got to where they are, and how to fix it, and not having the right to bloody tell them how to fix it because then it wouldn't be their choice and I am not GOD.

I've done this since I was old enough to speak. And rarely did. Because it never did any good with my parents. I still see it coming. I'm still Jim Nightshade. I see the punch coming before it lands and all around the Will Holloways of the world fall down and some don't get up and it KILLS me. I hate it. But I can't do anything about it. Who am I to say don't you hear yourself? aren't you seeing men as men first, people second?

I'm me, that's who. I love whom I love. I love fiercely, completely, and sometimes so bone-deep that I question it just because of its intensity. But I've lied to everyone I've ever loved, and that stops now. To be completely myself, I have to say this, I have to make it clear. Because it hurts you to keep on, it hurts you and I cannot do anything about it until you begin fix it yourself. Maybe what I suggest is not the answer for you. Fair enough. But in this world, when people kill each other and ruin their lives because they won't/can't/don't see another point of view, I cannot hold back on my most loved ones.

And I'll leave this public. Because maybe someone else I care about, or even someone I don't, will see it and understand.



Tuesday, August 13, 2002

3:54 PM
mmmm

I treated myself to that piece of pie I've been wanting for a while. Cherrrrry.

And hey! I'm still a Macalester alum! Apparently you just have attend two terms to be an alumni. Mac Grrl In Perpetuum! Woooo!




9:12 AM
I think
those Romantic poets were on to something more than hormonal when they moaned iambically of love lost, love gained, and love everlasting and all that fine fluff.

If I hear "Where Are You Going?" again, I'm going to flop back and think about heart-rending. Just think about it, mind you.

So many things are undone, incomplete, and while there's not that urgency anymore, there is that deep ache of 500 miles away. That nagging feeling that one day too far will not be close enough. For whom? For what? I don't even know. It's not the future I'm afraid of, having been through all that other crap. It's that possibility of letting down a friend.






Monday, August 12, 2002

8:29 PM
come up to the lab, see what's on the slab

I showed baby the nicer bits of Hogwarts Online. Heheh, that was worth it. Nothing doing today, which is bad. I mustn't procrastinate, but the sleepiness is restrictive. Can't entirely trust myself. *sigh* I need to get my butt moving.

I have discovered the smudge tool! Ugga!

In other news. Booyah.



Ken's bunny is getting dangerous... or maybe it's just Aya-chan.




5:15 AM
fitful night
slept a little while the computer backed up. well... if I want to backup all my stolen graphics, I'll need another zip disk. heh. well, most of it is backed up in the one I can't find. the most important's the writing and art and the websites, and those are safe. though the one disk, after multiple erasings and dl'ings, suddenly stopped pasting in properly. still has 20M left but as long as the other files are safe, I'll let it lie.

the dreaming was fitful, thinking of my friends I haven't been in touch with. their new lives must be starting already, while I'm just starting over. kind of puts a crimp on my thinking, but I need to get over things and just see what they're up to.

woke again at one, tried to get back online to see if I could catch anyone, not that I figured I would. came to again twenty later and checked: nope, not even miss nightowl though she's had a long day.

sneaked by baby's LJ. so proud of her for sperimenting. ^^ *slips Chiri that ten spot for chocolates* Hogwarts Online digging again, really quite fascinating stuff. made me think of how threesomes work. they don't spin around each other, I think. there is a moving together, coming apart, and 2+1 1+2 1 and 2 thing like cat's cradle's forming and reforming, planets gravitational paths braiding. It's easy to mess up, to swing one person between until you lose them, or when its in the perigee to feel left out, the one, even though it's part of the dance, or to spin too close when you're the two, or to stay too long in the center and crash into each other, hurt and disbelieving, or to just fall out of step and out of orbit. Two together pulling in the one, then the pass, the exchange, the acceleration, and the lazy orbit back out.

so it's been a fitful night. canine howlings, strange dreams, passing distant storm, same odd smell from the central air, my own scent on my cover, nighttime moving arounds, wailing sirens, my neighbor talking to herself again in nonsense words, a stray insect on the screen and carnal Animagus in the brain. a lovely night, in other words, except for a lack of m'love. likely sleep in and then abandon the accursed laptop for my actual chores.

Oh, and why all the backing up? To save this:

Walk. All. Over. Him.

Happy Monday, dearies.





Sunday, August 11, 2002

10:25 AM
crying for reasons old and new

(Oh thank you God, thank you for letting me feel again, I haven't cried in so long)

Champagne High
copyright Sister Hazel

I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you
And I never thought it would hurt just to hear
"I do" and "I do"
And I do a number on myself
And all that I thought to be
And you'll be the one
That just left me undone
By my own, hesitation

and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.

Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high

Spring turned to summer
But then winter turned to mean
The distance seemed right
At the time it was best - to leave
And to leave behind
What I once thought was fine And so real - to me
And while I'm still gone
On the quest for my song
I'm at your - celebration

and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.

Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high

Your wagons been hitched to a star
Well now he'll be your thing that's new
Yeah what little I have you can borrow
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...

and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.

Well I'm on a champagne high (so high)
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high (so high)
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high... high...
So high so high you left me undone
so high, so high you left me undone....

~~~

Strong Enough
Written by Sheryl Crow, Bill Bottrell, David Baerwald, Kevin Gilbert, David Ricketts, & Brian MacLeod

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

~~~~

Luka

Copyright Suzanne Vega

My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you've seen me before

If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was

I think it's because I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act too proud

They only hit until you cry
And after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore

Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown

Just don't ask me how I am
Just don't ask me how I am
Just don't ask me how I am
Just don't ask me how I am

~~~
Lonely Girls
Copyright Lucinda Williams

Lonely girls
lonely girls
Lonely girls
lonely girls

Heavy blankets
heavy blankets
heavy blankets
Cover lonely girls

Sweet sad songs
sweet sad songs
sweet sad songs,
Sung by lonely girls

Lonely girls
lonely girls
Lonely girls
lonely girls

Pretty hairdos
pretty hairdos
pretty hairdos
Worn by lonely girls

Sparkly rhinestones
sparkly rhinestones
sparkly rhinestones
Shine on lonely girls

Lonely girls
lonely girls
Lonely girls
lonely girls

I oughta know
I oughta know
I oughta know
About lonely girls

Lonely girls
lonely girls
Lonely girls
lonely girls

~~~

One Big Love
Copyright Patty Griffin

Let's take a ride to the seaside
We can go out swimming in the high tide
Just wear your shorts and your long hair
Don't forget the lawn chair
Everybody's gone to the movies
Everybody's gone and its groovy
They went to the one about the big war
I didn't, I'd seen it before

I guess I'm taking my chances
Giving up the ring throwing in the gloves
I guess I'm taking my chances
Trading in my things
A couple wings on a little white dove
And one big love
one big love

Everybody do like a Monkey
If you want to go on and be funky
No need to talk like a hero
Talk a walk count down to zero
No sense defending your honor
Just go on and kiss him if you wanna
Everything before is gone or is going somewhere

I guess I'm taking my chances
Giving up the ring throwing in the gloves
I guess I'm taking my chances
Trading in my things for a couple wings on a
Little white dove
And one big love one big love
I don't know where we are
And I don't care
And now we're out of gas
And riding on air
And one big love
one big love

~~~








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