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Mood ::

Friday, September 27, 2002

1:04 PM

Which Harry Potter Marauder Are You?
Behind that calm, composed outer exterior lies mystery or secrecy. You have trouble at times opening up to others, but once you do, you have friends for life. You are very intelligent and enjoy casual pasttimes such as reading, writing or drawing.

Thursday, September 26, 2002

1:50 PM
Slashpoint: Weiss 20-22 (SPOILERS)

20 - The Scary Lawyer Episode

Oh, what Omi-ness. Apparently he can't get away from pushy girls cart-jacking him. :D

More of his interesting shirt. Omi-navel. Goodness, the little skank.

"Judging someone is difficult... There must be a reason for that person following evil."
We are killers...
We are a necessary evil.
Yohji says his "we'll be judged too" line.
Translation: If we convince Omi that we're all in this killing thing together, he'll stay for snogging.

"Omi, if you have any doubts, decline." Aya is protective. Or disapproving. Since this is Yohji-speak for Aya wants to screw, I'd mark this as a Slashpoint for AyaxOmi / OmixAya. Fine, believe he's just seeking a younger-sibling replacement. ;) Aya talks a *lot*.

Omi quotes: those who can't be punished by law. "I am a killer." Boku wa shikaku. (Not sure on the "shikaku".) "This is the judgment of Weiss."

21 - Yohji Got Back

Yohji has loofahs.

You all know his spine goes on and on.

Yohji gets all moist and wobbly-eyed when he angsts. It's like he's trying to chibify by force of will.

Question: Where are Aya and Omi? Slashpoint! They do work well together ^^ Or... alternate slashpoint, there's so much Aya/Yohji and Ken/Omi sex that pairing would be a distraction during missions.

"I won't let you go." Yohji, you horndog. What, I know he's angsting! He's pretty skanky doing it. Even Schreint is appalled.

a pink Beetle. snerk. Hell looks rather pissed that Tot stole the keys.

sooooo... Nagi and Tot were together for a while. This makes sense. I kind of like it-- two kids trying to grab something innocent after being abused all their lives.

Slashpoint 1.0. Begin recording.
Yohji goes to Omi first about Asuka. Hence his nonchalance about the, um, Ken-flailing. Ken seems determined to protect Omi's innocent eyes. More on that.

Yohji does not pay attention to them.
So, Ken, want to review the data?
But what about Yohji?
He'll get over it. Come on, let's go to *my* room and review the data.
Ohh, yeah, all *alone* in your room. Looking at the data.
Right.

Aya interrupts the tender moment. "You know where my sister is!" Only I get to sit half-naked in Yohji's bed, beeayotch.

Shota with Ken and Omi. We like to roll around on computer disks and share hot liquid on Omi's bed. Yep. That's us.

Aya grr. Bitchfight.

Look away, it's evil pair slashpoint. Look instead of Yohji grasping Omi's wrist.
Um. Yohji-kun? Do you... ah... want to let go... now..?

(We pause now for a public service announcement. Ahem. Yohji = delusional. Thank you.)

The single most slashy scene in WK. Best read while watching.

1. Ken is sad to lose his fuckbuddy.

2. Ken and Omi seek solace in each other.

3. Ken lays claim to Yohji when he returns.

4. Yohji tries his pre-sex obnoxious moves on Aya. Bad timing.

5. Agitated, Omi almost rips Aya's shirt off.

6. A good thing too, otherwise they would all be blinded.

7. Ken watches Yohji go, stunned that Yohji likes his sex that way.

*g* Anyway. "Sheesh, they could help out sometimes." Poor Omi! He's a pint-sized motherhen, I tell ya.

Ken finally gets alone-time with Omi. Damn, he's poisoned. Omi tries to comfort him by looking more shota than usual.

Aya gets beat up. But by girls, EWWW! No word on whether this is a plus or minus for Yohji.

Even Neu sees how girly Yohji is. Shusu snickers. [insert famous angst scene]

Brief slashpoint: Aya notices how hot Yohji is when angsting.

And finally, Yohji loses his Florist Association card. There is anguish.
(Okay, that was mean. But honestly, Yotan. The sunglasses at night again. The screaming.)

22 - Schreint Bite It, or the Buttpat!

Nagi is divided. Hmm. He's getting more intriguing by the mo'. I think his Vorbei. chara might be just right.

Omi expresses his concern. "When he thinks of Aya-chan, he can't sit still or stand around." Shusu thinks bad thoughts. Jot down that Slashpoints from previous episodes confirmed.

Yohji keeps to himself. Ken can't stand it! No fuckbuddy.

Schoen + Neu? Hmmm.

Nagi goes after Tot. He wants to see her panties! Hahaha. *ahem* Metaphor break! I like that Nagi doesn't want *Tot* to die. No death for death. And in the end that's exactly what happens. Irony! I like this story. So does Yohji.
"Leave me alone!" "Then... even I would die."

Ken: Get some rest. (Need to rewatch, I didn't see whom that was to.)

It's a full moon. -Hey, let's pose! -Okay.

*boom*
Yohji: *job well done*
Aya: *look at the pretty flames. mmmm*

Aya steals an extra closeup.

The Buttpat (TM)
Yohji volunteers as distraction. There are objections.
Aya: Killing Neu has made you lose your senses. *he advances behind Yohji* Come on.
*buttpat... yes, there is a sound!*
Yohji: *eyes go HUGE*
Later, as they implement their plan...
Yohji: What have I done?

Interesting interplay between Crawford and Nagi. Oooooooh, fascinating. Poor Nagi. So his is hate, Crawford is power, Schuldig is sadism, Farfarello is madness. The Schreint chicks are sort of the good-intentions evil elements. Intelligence, beauty, progress/future, innocence. And of course Schreint is not as strong as Schwarz. Yang is always more powerful.
The Weiss boys are just cute. ^^

Aya is once again beat by a chick. With ribbons and choking and hitting. All his sex games are ruined.

"In other words, we no longer need you." Mwahaha!

"I couldn't protect you." Dude, it's a *theme*!

Aya gets to pose in the rain. *sotto-voce grumbling*

Omi: To love someone...
Aya: ...is sad.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Tot rises again, hence her name, la!

1:46 PM

Renaissance artist, scientist, philosopher and all-round cleverclogs, you were felt to represent humanity and divinity from 1452 to 1519. Your famous works include the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper - art that, together with your sketches and ideas, have seriously affected and enriched the society in which we live.

You were also arrested for sodomy at the age of 24, and as was common with the young men of Florence at that time, had many relationships with your friends. In the end, you were intimate with a prodigy called Salai for over two decades - despite the fact that he lied, cheated, stole and vandalised. Awww.

Which Famous Homosexual are you?

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

2:56 PM
"Work, or I'll kick ass."
Spinal rebellion quick-melts
Longing for a kiss.

Storming. That would be a good word for what I'm feeling. Storming out, storming in, storm brewing on my fingertips and under my breastbone. It's tiring to keep it up but I'm physically feeding it. I love this. It's not exactly keeping it all in but neither is it giving it out, letting it control me. I pay with a little gritted teeth but I win with magnificent power, like a trunkline of cyclone in my arms. Only problem is, no target around. But I think if I can give myself a short nap when I get home, I can tackle the room and start making phone calls I need to make.

I had an awful dream of these two girls (who reminded me so strongly of Michiru and Haruka that I forgot their faces on waking) were assaulted in the dark. Waking, and too-warm, and it was a good thing I remembered I needed to do that paper or I might not have gotten up.

But just the fact that it's a gloomy horrible day and my laptop is fried and it's four hundred miles from happiness, I feel so together, so aware. The surges of anger-love-grief-passion are sometimes distracting, but I know where to take them and how far to go. I am taking my vitamins. When I have spent my frustrations straightening the room, I will feel better, and the whining voice in my head that used to stop me has quieted.

I got up when it was dark out. !! How amazing. How miraculous. If it was dark out, two years ago, I would not leave the room till the next day.

I called my mom while she was on her layover at L.A. Even if she disapproves (and I'm fairly sure she's got her own thoughts about it, to put it lightly) I couldn't not come out to her. No love lost, that's for sure *grin* but we're too much alike not to share stuff like that. I told her about the recent strangenesses. She said "You go, girl." I did forget to ask her how to fight, though. If I were a man, I'd ask my dad how to fire a gun. It's not the implication of violence, as much as the skill implied, the hands-on power. Both my parents have degrees higher than undergraduate; still I feel it in our culture, in the ethic, to do something hands-on. To be tangible and present. No matter how bookworm-ish I get, I'll always feel akin to that. I think not listening to that part of me did me in last time.

Probably why I want to be a teacher.

My mom also told me the other day that of *all* my cousins (and there's well over twenty of them), I'm the only one of my grandmother's who's following in her footsteps. The other day I was thinking about it, by the by, and I decided that it weirded me out to be told "it's so hard" "it's so noble" "I couldn't do that". I know what the obstacles look like, and there are days when I doubt. However it's still strange to me to view teaching as this saint-like pedestal shaped thing. Seiji, anyone? ^^ He grew up in a dojo, was raised by a grandfather who was bushi, for heaven's sake, leader of the clan and traditional warrior-- I don't think he finds himself more exceptional than anyone else. He knows he worked hard for his skills. He knows his birthright gave him certain things and didn't give him certain things. Just the same, I have predilections. I have propensities and talents and the will to do this. It's like telling someone who's planning to climb K-2 exactly how death-defying it is. I suppose people say that because it's their knee-jerk reaction. I don't mind it, of course (preen, preen) but it weirds me out. Er. Getting redundant. You get the idea ^^

~~~
There were more quizzes on someone's LJ, but I didn't take them.

find your poetry style
this quiz was made by mamaslyth

You can take or leave love, just as long as you get your sex.

Who's Your Inner Weiß Pairing? @ Weiß Versa

What's your Battle-Cry?
this quiz was made by Aroihkin of PlanetKulitron

Monday, September 23, 2002

2:31 PM
ah SagePage how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways. Thank you Tatara-san!

The no-dachi has been called both a cavalry and anti-cavalry weapon, either a horseman cutting down infantry from his mount or footman hacking through the legs of a steed. The question, though, is if the no-dachi's size actually allows for cavalry / anti-cavalry use. Swords, especially cavalry swords, need to be flexible. Unless the blade can contort, stretch, and bend, it will shatter when swung at a great speed. I asked Professor Jack Pavia this morning about the no-dachi. He assured me that even a nine-foot Japanese sword would easily be able to take off a man's head from a horse at full gallop without too much stress placed on the steel. Further, the gentle curve of a katana or dachi comes from within the metal, its shape defining itself during the firing process.

Sunday, September 22, 2002

8:28 AM
and people wonder
why I make RfP so hard to get into. Because even if I put a CLEAR warning up, people will read it anyway. And then get hurt. And then blame the person closest.

I gave up fighting this battle a long time ago. Why is such a blatant misunderstanding still floating around? Because nobody talks about it. And nobody is about to accept that I worked my ass off to do the best possible thing for everybody involved. I didn't do a perfect job. I made a lot of mistakes. I didn't cry when it domino'd off and fell through. I'm not crying now.

Instead I'm angry. Because I know the minute Wiggle gets up and reads, our week of calm and building will get decapitated with a very big axe. Why should she catch hell for a call *I* made, for a series of decisions that was *my* doing? Why should we get the blame for driving someone away, when I endured months of pain and anguish to keep them around, and never complained, never blamed, never raised a finger except to point out the goddamn obvious?! Here. Me. Bad guy. I'll be your bogeyman if you want me to.

But of course not. Of course it'll be Wiggle, who cares so much for the people she loves, who has to deal with violating the Terms and Conditions, as though friendship is a friggin' freeware program, as though waltzing over eggshells is an acceptable way to live, as though all the number of ways we made reparations and offered explanations and apologies and all but begged over a game fell on deaf ears.

I hate that. But the minute I go out there and say, talk to me, I'll be the one firing the first shot. I'll be the one starting the war over nothing. And Baby wouldn't let me do it anyway.

If anyone hurts my Baby, expect the heavens to rain fire.

*sigh* But I can't do that. I don't know where the boundaries are anymore. I don't know what the tacit rules are. I am not going to butt into her business, but it was my idea, my follow-through. Fine. The facts, as I see them. Just for the goddamn log, and nothing else. Oh, and WARNING for disturbing content.

- Yohji asked for blood. I was surprised, but Ran was already about to break Yohji's skin anyway.
- I asked Wiggle if that was okay. She said yes.
- I was still wondering why Yohji wanted to do it this way, since he was so hesitant all the other times. Then I checked the calendar. I pulled up last year's logs and saw that Sept. 21 was the day the boys returned from the Youjakai. My Catastrophic Mess. If I'd really been admin, I'd have kicked me out for that. Around this time, the boys were changing positions.
- So I locked into Yohji. It likely went something like this-- ::Do you want to do this?:: ::Yes, because Ran wants it. But I'm nervous.:: ::About what?:: ::Failing Cye. Hurting him too much.:: ::But the point is what Ran wants, not what you want, right?:: ::Of course!:: -- and so the scene continued.
- I couldn't just let it lie, so I got Yohji talking about it. Yohji doesn't like to talk about it. So that was my call.
- And *yes* they celebrated. They don't care about player politics, or how screwed up they are. Hell, Yohji didn't care that I was squicked; I wanted a nice cuddle scene initially. They celebrated because they came back to each other, they explained, they made amends, and they never stopped caring about each other. They celebrated because as terrible and unforgivable as Yohji's actions were, it forced them to deal with their tendencies head-on, it forced them to redefine their relationship and change it from an abusive cycle into something real and lasting and NeverLetGo. Against all odds, including my own, they made a new synergy for themselves and they celebrated because it was a whole year, lifetimes, between them and that day, and they would never return to that point.
- So I saved the log.
- I floated the tease in chat. The log was requested.
- Of course I realized it would be upsetting for some people. So I put a warning on it.

Maybe I should have e-mailed it. Maybe I should have asked who specifically wanted to see. But I was proud of it. There. I was happy Yohji was feeling more alive under my fingers than he had in a long time, and that our boys still had that wonderful indescribable chemistry. I was happy they'd gotten over last year and moved on.

Besides, the House blog is for the OOC, the strange, the kinky, the stuff which does not go down in regular chat.

Why am I spending so much time writing about this, again? Because it's important to Wiggle and while I'm angry, I don't want to screw this up. Because no, I did not allow my boys to talk about the absences, even Touma who was heartbroken and hurt and couldn't understand what *he'd* done or didn't do to lose his friends-- because my own bitterness and helplessness for failing so miserably at what I'd set out to do, what I'd set out to protect, would have shown through. And I can't go around forcing people to leave their personal grudges at the door if I can't do it myself. Because I do understand that to some people Yohji himself is an anathema, he is what is wrong with men and he gets away with it. Because we wanted everybody to stay, I wanted everybody to stay, but nothing I did was good enough.

And because this is the Internet. And people are aware of ways to keep things private, and still communicate. I don't care about my own privacy except where it impinges on my own safety and the feelings of others. But since, apparently, it is perfectly okay to post about this on an active public forum instead of sending an e-mail or an instant message, I see no reason to hide my own feelings in my private blog.

All that aside. If anybody punishes Wiggle for something I did, all reason is flying out the window and I am gonna give 'em a piece of my mind. It won't be about the game anymore. It won't be about who said what when. This is a distancing, anonymous medium and if you can't say it to a 300 lbs linebacker, you shouldn't say it on the Internet. And if a 300 lbs linebacker said or did anything to hurt my Baby, I'd punch him in the balls. So unless Wiggle says not to, that is precisely what's coming from me.

That's all. I have homework to do. Otherwise, you know where to find me.

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