6:32 PM oddly I will post this here, so as not to clutter the LJ. I think I'm up to 51 friends on ye olde livejournall, hoping for a nice even 52 if this chick doesn't think I'm trying to stalk her... three years older but oh thank GOD someone in the -state-. Chances are, in the Cities, since... well. Over there is Wisconsin. Over there is the Great Plains. Up there is Canada. No offense, Iowans, we don't really talk about down there ^^. Anyway, chances are she's in the Cities.
Anyhoo. More fandom persons! My tickertape of fandom continues. :)
Oh wait! LOL. One of them is me! So it's really 50 friends. :D Aha, here's the stats. Two communities. 48 people plus me. 25 (24) mutual relationships. *heart* Lochjournal.
She was a fast machine,
She kept her motor clean,
She was the best damn woman that I ever seen,
She had sightless eyes,
Telling me no lies,
Knockin' me out with those American thighs,
Taking more than her share,
Had me fighting for air,
She told me to come, but I was already there,
'Cause the walls started shaking,
The earth was quaking,
My mind was achin',
And we were makin' it and you...
Shook me all night long!
Yeah you, shook me all night long!
Working double time on the seduction line,
She was one of a kind,
She's just mine all mine,
Wanted no applause,
It's just another cause,
Made a meal out of me, and come back for more,
Tried to cool me down,
To take another round,
Now I'm back in the ring to take another swing,
But the walls were shaking,
The earth was quaking,
My mind was aching,
And we were making it and you...!
Shook me all night long,
Yeah you, shook me all night long,
Knocked me out, I said you
Shook me all night long!
Had me shaking and you,
Shook me all night long!
Had me shaking,
Well you shook me...
You really shook me and YOU!
Shook me all night long,
Aaaaahaaaahaaaah You...
Shook me all night long,
Yeah yeah you,
Shook me all night long,
You really got me and you,
Shook me all night long,
Yeah you shook me,
Yeah you shook me,
All night long!
Hehehehe. And now Santana with Black Magic Woman. Mmrrmmm. Classic rock starts at the hips and goes straight to the heart.
3:10 PM
I think it ended up this way because I'm about half "Soft Androgyne" and half "Hard Androgyne." Here's the latter:
Most of the time you really don't think of yourself as butch or femme, but if pressured, you tend to react aggressively - either to solve a problem or to defend yourself. You aren't extremely masculine, yet are more drawn to your masculine side than your feminine side. Security is paramount to you, and the locks on your house and tendency to monogamy reflect that. You like money in the savings and a retirement plan in place. You are nervous and insecure without that.
You are a good provider, often appearing in upper management positions, and are an excellent supervisor. Logic and mathematics fascinate you, and you have a very good memory. You are best remembering what you have seen in a video sense - sound and picture. About half of what you read sticks with you and what you hear goes in one ear and out the other. Pictures you remember very well.
You like action adventure movies and books, though you don't read a lot. You are heavily into technology, computers, and fun lil gadgets to play with.
As a parent you are strict but not overbearing, and tend to be a bit over protective. You are a staunch defender of your legal rights.
For partners you prefer a softer femme, along the lines of the Classic or Lipstick Femme. For friends you encompass everyone, though you find Extreme Butches a bit plastic and pure Androgynes indecisive.
ANDROGYNE
Your score placed you in the category of Androgyne. This is the true middle of the road, neither butch nor femme. You may also wish to review Soft Androgyne and Hard Androgyne, the two categories surrounding you. In a ranking across the femme/butch gamut, if 1 is femme and 100 is butch, you fall between 48 and 52 on the scale. For a review of where you fall in the overall population in numbers, refer to this chart. Your group encompasses folks of all types, genders, and orientations, though is not as large a part of the population as the hard and soft androgynes surrounding you.
You are the best of both worlds, and have absolutely no feeling of being either femme or butch. You see yourself as "you" and that's all that matters. You dislike labels, surprised yourself by even taking this test, and are now laughing as you identify with this definition!
You switch roles fluidly without thinking from nurturing/subordinate to providing/leading as the situation demands. You are often a jack or jill of all trades and master of a few, but not all.
In clothing you go for the practical, not always bothering with the concept of neatness if that interferes with comfort or the time it takes to get dressed. Wrinkles don't drive you crazy, though you do prefer to keep reasonably up to date in your style, without going to any extreme in it.
You are shy in many ways, being intimidated by overt aggression as well as complete silence in a conversation. You tend to babble to fill silent space and clam up when confronted.
Odds are good astrologically that you are a Libra, Pisces, Gemini, or Aquarius.
You're willing to try anything once as long as it does not pose a risk to you. You're also good at doing just about any job, as long as you find a way to get trained for it. Physically, you're average in fitness, not being overly concerned about being either "curvy" or "chisled". If you are female and have some endowments, you wear a bra in public but not at home.
For partners you are comfortable with all types, for you are a peacemaker and changeling at heart, changing yourself to fit the situation and avoid hostility. You aren't a doormat, though, and do express your opionions.
We hope you've enjoyed our little test. Now to get out of here, click here!
9:42 AM
indeed. from a purely professional standpoint, no reaction would be out of bounds. after all, I can pretend this is a private journal but it really isn't.
on the other hand, I'm so sociopathic right now, i've a mind to fuck around with anyone who comes near. or jeer. and not regret it. so. yap at your own risk. this is not entirely out of the blue, either. so if you want to get into it with me -now-, chances are I will screw your mind and wring out your heart with alacrity. probably fuck up the issue itself and cause more problems than i can fix. but oho, i'm not in a fixing mood. i'm through with fixing today. nobody listens to me anyway. * so. nothing personal. really. nothing personal because if everyone else in the world lit their fingers on fire, my strongest response would be 'more hors d'oeuvres for me.'
yes, i'm sure i should be grateful. and i will sometime. i'm trying not to be. since the second thought is usually 'ha, I haven't lost my touch.'
be like Lacey. watch toons and be calm. (check out her waving penguin too. that's cute.)
* Jesus, I sound like my dad. well. go me for knowing where my shit comes from. now, where to shove it.
Friday, October 18, 2002
2:02 PM
maybe I should shoot my boys. just kill them. it would be much better than me. I'd have to actually get up to do that. bambambam no more story. no ending. just a big tragic waste, how sad. oh, fuck me. it's a game! that sentence was the curse of my year. it's a gamegamegame and no one listens. or maybe everybody did and it turned into a playground bully's game. whatever. apparently live and let live is too hard for us monkeys. anyway the parasites outlive their fun when I'm like this. what good are they but wastes of space? I could be published by now, but I decided to love the boys instead. I didn't care if it was right or wrong.
I won't care the day I have to put it down.
maybe I should hack up their bodies. that would be fun. cut off their hair and show everyone what nice dolls they were. if I burned them, they would smell like roast pig and tar. just shoot them. the nice ones I'd get between the eyes. third eye, hahaha. the ones that gave me trouble, I'd shoot in the back. aorta. blood pressure would drop to nil in no time. what little bloodsuckers, anyway.
maybe I should eat something. but oh, that would be too easy wouldn't it.
I should just not tell anyone anything important. I can pass for brainless dolt, can't I? they seem to have more fun. nice lemmings, close your eyes and die. how like the boys. nice cookie cutter shapes. how nice of them. too bad freaks like me break the mold, it would be really nice for everyone if we were all cookie cutter shaped, isn't that right? all the better to bite the heads off. sure.
if you're going to leave a comment, it had better not have anything to do with a hug. yeah. it's nice and convenient to act the little girl, all right. very nice to feel a hundred years old and be treated like I'm ten. just in general. that's nice. nice, nice, nice. very easy for me to trick the trickable but honestly, what an act. what a blunt edge of the knife. want me to turn it over so you can see the other side? hmmmm?
nice. Middle English : foolish < Old French < Latin nescius : ignorant, incapable = ne : not + sci : stem of scire, to know + -us : adjective suffix.
Grays. It's all in grays. As much as I like the drama of good and evil, I like ambiguity. Good and evil are just different sides on the same war... there is a terrible quality to innocence, and a beauty in crime. Sin's for the angels to worry about.
but when it comes to me... yes. I make the decision right away. I place people in relation to myself. immediately. then I move them as needed, because I know first impressions are flawed and so's my view of the universe. it's survival. I'm a sensitive person, and if I can't make those decisions like that, I'd be a quivering hulk by now. still... I don't pretend to apply the relative truth to the absolute. there are angels who have been horrible to me. not that I believe in angels; just things people do that are bad or good. for pity's sake, there's no invisible taint, no *nice* shiny halo. if there was, that's for God to decide, not me.
ugh. damn. where was this going? who knows. probably somewhere nice. please write a sentence. okay. today we are going to hell. thank you, you may sit down.
1:31 PM
yay, nobody cares. well, probably they do, but I'll be ringing the sickbell till my arm falls off and no one will come. that's abundantly clear to me.
1:52 AM
in honors and intra-school engineering competitions, they'll ask you to pack up an egg and drop it or ship it or something. the package can come out all right, but it could be that the egg's shattered inside.
Yeah. That's yolk on my face.
Hate. Hate. I just want to scream at everyone. So goddamn useless. Everything. Useless. If I don't get angry I'll just be the ugly little girl in the corner who can't do anything.
God fucking damn it, everything makes me so MAD. Everything makes me so utterly broken. I'd rather stab something than break. Rather watch it bleed, that would jolt me awake all right, if there was something dead in my hands and I'd done it. But no. No, I have to be the nice little package and be fucking nice about shit that drives me nuts, totally irrational crap that has no bearing on reality and yes, I can be little miss euphemism all wrapped up in ribbon.
Gods, I want to make someone hurt.
I want to call them up and tell *someone* what I really think of them. Just break somebody and move on. If I could pick 'em out of a phonebook, I'd do it.
Yeah, that's right. The world's not entertaining enough.
So why don't you all just fuck off.
I bet someone will ask what anybody did to me. Shit, like I need an excuse? Ha! What's the buzzword these days? Pre-emptive strike? Fuck. Fuck you all. Fuck all your tiny earthquakes you don't even think twice about. Look at meeeee no shocks no brakes let's see how fast this baby can go. Why should I give a fuck about anyone else if they don't want to see me being ugly? Huh? Give me one good reason why I should hang around if it's so bloody uncivilized.
Yeah right. I'm crazy. Sure. Well fuck you. Go over there to your own little circle if you're so bloody traumatized by me. Figure I'm just going through a shitfit and I'll be okay in the morning. Maybe I will. Or maybe I'll be --
Hah. Made you look.
Some days I really hate public journals. Fucking dog on a leash. Be good, be civilized, ignore the odd looks, nothing to see *here*. Shit. I hate not being myself. I hate not being myself to the point where I don't notice. I hate you all for boxing me in, even if it wasn't your fault.
I want it to be somebody's fault! Then I could have someone to kill besides --
Languid-Sexy.... You rock the messy hair and crisp white cotton sheet. Your idea of bliss is a day spent in bed with your lover. There is nothing wrong with that, though some people like to leave the bed at times. You're a total fox, even if you are a hedonistic bum.
Used to be intellectual-sexy. How boring ^^
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
7:54 PM
Ugh. Want to write but can't. Have yuri for the Egypt AU. useless. helpless. hate. hate.
8:37 AM
Satyrs
Called by many names in Europe, Satyrs are lust half-man, half-goat creatures associated with Pan, Herne, and Cernunnos. They are always seen alone, and usually with a host of animals dancing merrily to his pipes. In English legend he is the son of a mortal mother and a faery father. The term "horny" may have come from an association between Satyrs and sex.
copy the following code into your webpage, blog, journal, etc:
5:15 PM Are people... ...taught simplified spoonfed third grade knowledge because people are afraid of scaring students with the immensity of the world and what's in it?
Because.
That only teaches people to be afraid of the world.
Ignorance, thy name is multitude.
Had a wonderful drive to St. Paul for tutoring. Bad driving move, but it took me across the High Bridge route and daaaaamn, the newly finished Cathedral dome gleaming in the late afternoon, the dome of the Capitol, the skyline, the bluffs resplendent with autumn colors, the river stretching from horizon to horizon, Pink Floyd booming out of the radio... this is why I don't like to drive. Can't take my eyes off the road.
Winamp is streaming "Strawberry Sex." Hmm.
I got my first gift from the kiddies. A line of stickers. I felt like Renamon ^^
I listened to the radio in the car twice while parked. One was this lecture on democracy and globalization which was really really cool, given in New Mexico by a famous author. The other was Knockin' on Heaven's Door. ^___^
7:55 AM
Ugh. So tired of being scared and uncertain. Of doing the wrong thing, every time, sometimes deliberately. Tired of being hungry. Tired of the stink.
Screw I am obsessed with Digimon! There is this oddling bunny who wants to see what would happen with Jen and Renamon. I hope it's not nibbling where I think it's nibbling. But ... anything Jianliang. Anything at all.
I am going to open that page on Rika's parentage, damn it. ^_^ That's just too cool.
Sunday, October 13, 2002
9:39 AM
If something happens to me and you open up my laptop...
the hentai porn pics are there for modeling purposes.
:D
Damn, I stink. I wanted to keep orgying with Jet! Shoot.
~60K of graphics :: Koani by
Alice in Wonderland :: Scorpion by Ushikai Background and buttons by Triple Orbit Graphics ~ Sadly it's no longer at its former website.
